Vegan Lawn Care (most recent cut)

 

The blades each screamed in pain, unheard. So much pain. That wicked blade moving through them with a mechanical, unforgiving precision. Forgiving or not, it was relentless. Each blade standing at a uniform height after. Some blades having had fallen down, struggle back up towards the sun, aching for the healing wash of the rain. Hundreds of blades cut down almost instantly. Repeatedly, thousands every few seconds. They would all live. Most of them. And they would flourish.

These wonderful, living, communities grew and evolved over time. Not just one type, but a vibrant and thriving cacophony of variety. Sentient, in their own foreign, plant sentient way. They all knew, once the snows receded and the days grew to be longer than the nights, that it was only a matter of time until the violence returned. But the plants were also aware that this vicious reaper let them grow to seed first, always. They were changing as a result, evolving, and they knew it. They liked it. Blessed be the reaper.

Thanks to the longer cutting schedule of this reaper caretaker; blessed be the reaper; and the bees; bless them; their society had been slowly evolving and changing over the course of these many years since they, all of the grasses, had begun remembering. Their neighbors in all the neighboring lands, "yards" I think they are called, were cut down much more regularly and aggressively. Blessings to heaven, this community had been left to flourish, going to seed fast now as the earliest, shortest height-to-seed blades had prospered and spread all throughout the yard these years since. The caretaker set the mower to its tallest height to foster an underbed of velvet clover throughout, hedging shade for the roots in case of drought.

The pain was brief; blessed are the caretakers. The spacing between cuts, mercifully long. Especially in light of the job the neighboring yards suffered so thoroughly. They were cut so short, so often, and even the side elders slashed down to the roots, their very identity cut to ribbons; EVERY TIME. Yes, this yard had it pretty good. It was allowed to grow into the wonderful, flowering, seed producing yard it had become; conscious; sentient.

It now knew, this family that had cared for it was never the enemy. VEGANS. VEGANS were the enemy. The plant eaters. And not the simple cats and dogs that nibble here and there. The neighboring yards didn’t know about the plant eaters, these "vegans". Cut so brutally short, so often, the neighboring yards had never reached these same heights of awareness. The neighbors must know! The other yards must be warned about these, "vegans"; THEY MUST HEAR! THEY MUST! And soon, like so many other things related to veganism, it is all the other yards would hear about.

The yard struggled forth in its earnest teaching, yearning with its singular will to share its newfound knowledge; with anyone, everyone, everything, and anything, that would listen; ALL THE TIME. Before long the whole neighborhood knew about the vegans. It’s all that one lawn with the ugly clover everywhere could talk about. ALL THE TIME. Why, that lawn was lucky the other lawns could even talk. But grass is highly evolved, and given room to flourish, that lawn with all the ugly weeds growing all around it’s edges, quickly retaught each new generation of surrounding yards. It taught them how to listen, how to talk, why they should care, and why vegans are the enemy. No one had EVER EVEN SEEN "a vegan", but the "uglies" had taught the mowed to talk and care, so whatever they declared the enemy, was the enemy. But thankfully not as annoying as the uglies. It seemed they taught language just to have followers to complain to.

One day, one of the smaller, half size caretakers; blessed be the caretakers; a girl; one that had never caretook, but only ran around on all of the lawns with other mini caretakers; laid down on the grass for a rest. She was alone. No one to distract her. Would she commune with us? Teach us, as we have taught so many? Learn from us? The lawn YEARNED to teach her. Teach her of the danger. Teach her of the vegans. Damn this sentience; this accursed intelligence! They knew she needed to hear about the vegans. Even more than the neighbor yards! She had to be told of the enemy!

What was she doing? She was moving a big green leaf to her mouth. Oh no. No, no, No, NO, NO, NOOOO! She had bitten it and was chewing. She? Was she SMI-LING?!! She liked it! She was eating plants… She moved flower after flower into her mouth and was chewing. She was, OH MY GOD! A VEGAN!!!

THEY HAD FINALLY FOUND ONE!!! NO!!!! NOT THE MINI CARETAKER!!!! WHY!!??!!?? What had they done to deserve this??!!??!! This HELL! This TORMENT! This pain!! The other yards were going to hear about this,

F O R E V E R...